The Day She Was Accepted Back Into The Family

So you may or may not remember THIS POST about my demon spawn, I MEAN, youngest daughter, who decided to unleash her creative spirit on my WHITE dinning room chairs ... and couch. It looked a little something like this ...

Well I have no transfered my non-sexual crush from the OxyClean guy to the makers of Microfiber ...

THIS IS BEFORE ... BEFORE I REALLY KNEW MY DAUGHTERS POTENCIAL TO INFLICT PAIN WITHOUT A WEAPON ...

THIS is AFTER! And the heavens opened up and smiled down upon me as RUBBING ALCOHOL cleaned this unGodly mess. I kid you not, it LITERALLY melted away and WIPED off! It was like a miracle and life was good and we did rejoice :-D

That is until I found this ^^ At the time of my original post I did not see this MESS on my COUCH. My poor husband could not even sit near the mess for fear of cutting out youngest out of our will. HOWEVER...

Again, the heavens parted and the microfiber and rubbing alcohol did clean that MESS. Seriously though, can you BELIEVE IT?! I only wish they made walls, toddler clothes, and countertops in this stuff.

Other than that, things here are busy but rolling right along. Our Mommy Group had the Christmas Party on Friday where we did that fun little stealyourstuff game and I got all excited, right? Cause we were SUPPOSED to spend $25, right? So, I would SOMEHOW end up with something good, right? And I worked really hard on my gift so through the magic of Karma I would therefore end up with something of equal greatness, riiiiiiiiight?! Hmmmm, um, well that would be a BIG.FAT.NO. I feel like Charlie Brown when he looked down into this Halloween sack and said "I got a rock." Well, I got a rock y'all. A rock in the shape of a $3 Walmart candle.

It had a teeny tiny frame on the front which I guess MUST have cost $22 - but for some reason, I think I just got a $3 Cinnimon sented Walmart rock.

Whatever. Karma, you suck and you SO OWE ME.

Today I finished up one of my giftys and will post pretty pictures of it sometime after the holidays see'ins how other people may get ideas on what they're getting ;-) I also narrowed down the rest of my baking list and got all of the who's, when's, and what's narrowed down and listed out ... which puts my OCD at ease and lets me sleep better at night :-D We also did our shopping today so we are all set for Christmas dinner - YAY PRIME RIB!

I will be making a Gingerbread Berry Lemon TRIFLE ladies and gentlemen ... oh yeah!

So we got out of that pretty unscathed, unless you call $230 for Christmas dinner scathed ::sigh::

And right now I am about to eat dinner with one of my best friends and then we are hittin the town baby! w00t! And drinks are on HER! w00t w00t! Cause I'm old now! w0 .. waiiiiit ...

So I better get going so I can cover up the wrinkles, lift my saggy mom-boobs, and take some advil! Cause I'm drinkin tonight! ;-) Until tomorrow! In which I will again address the fact that my 30 year old body hates me and expresses itself in hangovers :-D I know ... YOU CAN'T WAIT! ;-)

A Picture Is Worth 1000 Words

Have you ever had that moment where you quietly wonder if your baby hates you?

I had that moment today, when I finally realized what was going on, THAT was the first thought that came to mind..."Why does my baby hate me? Perhaps she was serious when she told me 'No more peas'."

While sifting through my MANY recipes and compiling a list of things I want to bake for friends and family this year, I looked over my shoulder at my baby. Which I HAD done many times, but since she wasn't in mortal danger I didn't look TOO closely.

Until I saw that look of PURE GUILT or Evil ... jury's still out ... and then she raised her hand ... IT HAD AN INK PEN.

I looked over, as if in slow motion, and let out the scream of 'oMG!THATSA*PEN*WHATDIDYOUDOYOULITTLES**T!' and as I screamed that scream that I am SURE you parents know {or WILL KNOW} my 5 yr old looked over the couch at the calamity and I think they both pooped themselves just a little...


THIS IS MY WHITE DINNING ROOM CHAIR ...

And as I screamed out 'My GOD why?!' I looked to my left and discovered that it was not ONE CHAIR ... OR TWO CHAIRS ... it was THREE ...

That was when I thought to myself, while looking at their terrified expressions, I wonder if she hates me? So what else could I do? I laughed. I laughed that maniacle laughter of the damned - or of a mother who has reached the line where you either laugh or you cry.

So as I ran to grab my oxyclean, and thought to myself "If this works...I am sending in my story to the Oxyclean people and they shall sing it from the mountain tops" - I even contemplated using my video camera to capture the miracle if it worked on the first chair. That's when my inner blogger ran for the camera to take BEFORE pictures ;-)

UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE NO AFTER PICTURES. Oxyclean has betrayed me and we are no longer on speaking terms. I found one, maybe two, possible products that MAY work and I'll be off to the store as soon as the hubs comes home. But even after all this I was laughing it off and saying 'Well at the worst, we'll just recover the chairs I guess, but that SUCKS.'

I needed to do something that made me feel better, made me laugh again, and something that related somehow. I was posting my story on my 'Mommies Message Board' and thought that her sweet angelic picture on there staring at me was MOCKING me somehow - soooooo that is when I opened up my MSPaint {as I am too poor to have anything else ;-)} and got to work.

I think it captures her inner spirit - don't you?

And after I started feeling a little better and thinking that recovering the chairs wouldn't be THAT hard I discovered the ENTIRE ARM OF THE COUCH - ALSO WHITE - COVERED in ink pen. ::SIGH::

That is when someone on my message board wrote - at JUST the right time - "Just remember, she loves you ... she just loves drawing too ;-) "

So that is my story for today, hope you enjoyed it as much as I DID :-D

Love My Listyness!

I am getting ready to jet off to Texas to see one of my BFFs for a KID-FREAKIN-FREE WEEKEND! OH yeah, that's right baby - NO FREAKIN KIDS!!!!! Can I get a w00t w00t!!! The MAN is the best {read: bravest} man I know! I am so lucky. I was actually planning on taking Monster with me, but he offered ever so sweetly to keep her home so I could go and have some WOMAN-TIME! Oh y'all ... I can not BEGIN to describe the non-mom thoughts that are dancing through my head right now! OK since you all want to know, I'll go with the ever popular list! :-D

• I got to buy NEW CLOTHES!
• I got to buy new clothes that I could wear without considering that they need to withstand being puked on, pulled on, peed on, pooped on or go well with a diaper bag!
• I get to drive, in my OWN car, without listening to child appropriate music! *note to self - put all CDs with warning labels BACK in the car*
• I get to walk through a parking lot carrying ONLY MY STUFF!!!!
• I get to partake in the goodness that is the AIRPORT BAR!
• I get to pay $12 a cosmo for said goodness and then tip righteously because I am so damn happy to be doing it :-D
• I get to sit and read a magazine without being interupted!
• I get to fly! *I LOVE flying!
• I get to hang out with my friend in a land far far away from my screaming crying wonderful children :-D
• I get to make pottery, get a pedicure, go shopping, go for coffee, go to lunches, and go to dinners - WITHOUT A CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and with a BFF I haven't seen in MONTHS!
• I get to hang out with her wonderful family and see the great life she is creating for herself and bask in her strength and wonderfulness and truely appreciate what a wonderful person she is :-D
• And NOOOO I am NOT just saying that because she is reading this! ;-)

Now, all that being said...I am going to miss my husband and my children TERRIBLY! But I somehow think I will make it through ;-) And if not, thats what Cosmo's are for :-D SOOOO, until I am back and ready to fully BORE you with the details of my wonderful vacation as I prepare for my NEXT vacation I will leave you with this...

If you would like to be entertained by my comedic stylings...click HERE

OK then, thats all for me! I am off to shower, finish packing, clean out the car, clean up the kids, clean up the house, put away the clothes and many many other things that I don't mind doing cause I'm OUT BABY! w00t! Wish me luck!

The Strange New World of Play Groups

While I enjoy these few fleating moments of quiet I will enjoy my coffee and a little conversation. I need to talk. I need to talk about the oddity that is the world of the "Mommy Groups"...

I've always had just a few close friends since I was pre-mommy phase. We all have kids now and always did the whole birthday party things, get together, scrap, whatever. Well they have all now deserted me and scattered to the far reaches of the US and left me vulnerable to be SUCKED in by the "mommy groups" - for this I curse their names every day - WELL, not EVERY day ;-)

Where I lived before - ghetto was not strong enough a word to describe it. I couldn't talk to neighbors, unless I was in the market for Meth. I couldn't join a close playgroup, since they appeared to be more of a support group for former meth users. I couldn't go to the parks since the homeless seemed to use them more than the kids did. So when we decided to move I was all about getting out there and meeting people. And so I have. And so I have realized that it's a whole different world out there my friends...

I have been inducted into the tribe and have become privy to some of the rituals. I have done my best not to be seduced by their heathen ways but I fear I am not strong enough to pull back. These are some of my findings/observations...

• To be a true part of the "Mommy Group" you must be a stay at home mom, if not, you will be accepted but on a lower level as you can not and are not devoting your entire being to your child/children
• You must fall into one of 3 catagories: 1) Have a newborn; 2) Pregnant; 3) Trying {desperately} to get pregnant - if not, you are on the lower level of acceptance as stated above
• You should have more than one child
• Your children should not be more than 18 months apart - if they are - you will be HOUNDED as to when you will be conceiving your next and what you may be doing wrong
• You should NOT have school age children - if you do, do not have them around as they are wild and uncontrolable and could be overwhelming for the babies
• You should not have more than 3 children - if you do, you should not try to have them all in one place as that could be overwhelming for the babies
• You must devote all nap/quiet times to the "Mommy Group Message Board" where you must post and reply to all posts even if it is just to say "cute" or "thanks for sharing", even if you don't mean it - OH and if someone isn't posting the obligatory meaningless reply - SHUN them they are dead to us!
• You can not have a healthy sexual relationship with your husband - and if you do, you can not speak of that deviant behavior but must listen to others talk about their distain for the act and methods of "other stimulation" i.e. "I need a vibrator!"
• You must participate in 'playgroup' gettogethers at least 2-3 times a week working up to 2-3 A DAY or be considered 'inactive' and again considered SHUNNED-YOUAREDEADTOUS!
• You must own 1-2 SUVs, if you don't - wait - who has a child and DOESN'T own an SUV?
• YOU MUST BREASTFEED
• YOU MUST BREASTFEED for at least 1 year and preferrable until your child can chew steak, and ask for a glass of milk with it
• Those who do not breastfeed shall be glared at when breastfeeding is discussed, as it is at EVERY gathering for apx 50% of the time
• You must devote yourself to making sure your child is being educationally stimulated at all times, even if that includes wearing THIS
• You should look into getting "some help around the house" {read: get a maid so you can be free to attend all playdates and still have a perfect house}
• It is recommended that you do not have a sense of humor and not be sarcastic - if you do, you will be sectioned off into the 'bitchy moms' group
• While at playgroups, all conversation shall pertain to 1) Breastfeeding; 2) Trying to get pregnant; 3) The cute new thing your 1 year old is doing; or 4) The eleventyhundred things you child is NOT doing that someone else's child IS doing
• And above all else...You MUST devote all your waking, and sleeping, moments to your child and no one else...

Now remember, these are just MY findings as I navigate this new world and it's odd ways, other groups rules may vary - a little ;-). I shall update you as I infiltrate their group further and try not to be shunned...can anyone remind me WHY I wanted to subject myself to this?? Oh no! They're starting to suck me IN!!!!!

My Reasons

By the time you're done reading this entry I hope all you out there in the blogoworld will understand more WHY o WHY I call my mother-in-law the Crazy Cat Lady, if you don't already that is. Plus when I refer to her as such in future posts I will have something to link back to for all those new comers I keep getting who don't comment ;-) j/k . . . mostly :-D

Top 34,379 reasons I refer to her as the Crazy Cat Lady

1. She thinks having 29 cats (on a slow day) is no problem, humanitarian even.
2. EVERY CAT is maimed, mangled or missing some appendage and she has a sob story for each one.
3. She feeds said mangy cats table scraps, not because she monitors their diets and feeds them healthy foods, it's because she is THAT poor.
4. She thinks that living in COUNTY, and NOT within the city limits, means she has a farm.
5. She also has two dogs and 10 chickens.
6. She thinks Typhoid is lurking around every corner and will strike my 2 year old if I let anyone babysit her, including family, could be a possiblity at her house.
7. After 3 days of looking for it and thinking we were just out, I found my peanut butter in the fridge, kid says "Gramma put it in there" - of course she did.
8. She attempts to cut the grass, of THREE houses, with a weed eater cause it's "gotta get done".
9. She says she wants to keep as many of her 3 properties as possible cause it's "money in the bank" - but she refuses to ever sell or make any money off them cause she wants them to stay in the family.
10. She hand picks fleas and ticks off all her animals.
11. She has a revolving line of credit at the vet's office.
12. She once spent EVERY night of 2 months walking up and down a canal (filled with crackheads and homeless) calling a lost cat "VEEEEEELLLLLCRROOOOOOO".
13. She does a 5:00am cat roll call for breakfast, and thinks that everyone is (or should be) up by that time.
14. She then goes back in the house and takes a 1-2 hour bath.
15. She bathes several times a day, not for hygiene, but because there is a slow leak that fills the tub and she hates to waste water.
16. When not bathing, she hooks up a hose to this faucet and waters her back yard, but not in a productive way, she just floods one area.
17. She mutters to herself EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY, yes I DO know that for sure, trust me, she's loud and I can hear her through any open window.
18. She lives next door - oh wait - maybe that would be a reason why *I would be crazy.
19. She thinks people are going to scale her 10 foot tall iron gate/fence and break in if she leaves her front door unlocked for more than 5 minutes.
20. She once told me she wanted to leave a gun in MY house (with four kids) because she was afraid if she left in her house someone would break in and steal it.
21. She is convinced that people are "watching the houses" and waiting to take her prized unicorn collection or big screen TV if we all leave somewhere together.
22. She stops crackheads and homeless people collecting recycleables out of our garbages to either congratulate them or tell them to get away from her haul - don't know which - I just know I constantly see her out there at her gate talking to these folks.
23. Most times I think THEY have the look of "wow, this person really is nuts".
24. She avoids (at all costs) driving on the freeway because she thinks the speed limit is still 50pmh and every ELSE is driving crazy when they pass (and flip her off I'm sure) while she does 45.
25. She thinks bringing her rental house up to code is just "makin it FANCY" and doesn't REALLY need to be done.
26. She STILL thinks that drying her laundry on the line outside, in the middle of cat country, in the middle of the ghetto and city, in the smog and acid rain, makes them smell fresh as the day they were made.
27. She leaves laundry on the line during rain storms is just like another rinse cycle and makes em smell EVEN BETTER!
28. She once gave my 3 month old baby a crumbled up TUMS in her bottle because she thought she had gas, there were baby gas drops in the cabinet.
29. She spends HUNDREDS of dollars on bulbs every year that rot because she never plants them and then complains that she is "ALWAYS BROKE!"
30. Huh, only 30 so far? OH, she calls my new house an apartment because she thinks all townhouses are crap and you'd never convince her otherwise.
31. I once looked out the window and saw her SITTING in the ENGINE of her old-ass truck while she had this guy TURN IT ON so she could see what the problem was.
32. To hang Christmas lights, she puts a one sided ladder in the back of her truck and has her crotchety old friend Tilly spot her.
33. She cuts wood with a circular saw leaning one side up against her leg.
34. She cuts said wood, and twigs, and sticks so she can fit more in her garbage can. She does it all covert-like cause the garbage man won't take yard waste so she puts it in between other garbage.
35. She puts cat crap on the top of her garbage can to "keep people from going through her garbage and getting important information".

Yeah, I think I can stop there for now. I'll just add updates when I think of them, I'm sure it won't be long.

Just A Matter of Time

Well things went well with Lois Loan yesterday, inspite of my horrific migraine that had me pulling over 3 times on the way to home to heave. So if it was still a good day besides the fact that I lost like 3 pounds yesterday from being sick then it MUST have been good! I had to go without the MAN but we sat and got everything hammered out and she spelled out EXACTLY what I needed to do, which was good since my attention span at the end of the 1 1/2 hour meeting with a migraine was like 2 seconds. Things are looking great for us and we feel a lot more secure with her in charge of things, but I still feel a little shaky and weak from yesterday so today's lil post will be a lil pick-me-up for me! w00t!

I don't know if you've noticed, but I have a little countdown thingy on my right sidebar there. I had to adjust it to the day we should have the keys but evenso, today is the 30 day mark folks! So in honor of 30 days I'm making a list!

• I will only have to hear the 5:00am cat roll call 29 more times! (We're moving within city limits BABY! No more than 3 cats allowed!)
• Only 29 more days of moving 3 cars just to get out of my vertical driveway! (w00t! for 2 car garage!)
• Only 29 more days to worry about pop-ins from the MIL when I least expect and can handle it! (she won't drive 45 min. to see us unless she calls first, and if she does I won't answer just to teach her a lesson! :-D)
• Only 20 days left of summer vacation! (YAY BACK TO SCHOOL!)
• Only 29 more days left of worrying about returning to "Georgia" at any moment! (You can't expect much from a 30 year old cooling system held together with wire and string)
• Only 4, MAYBE 5, more times of walking into a sauna to do laundry (dryer vent doesnt work) while being chased by the washer! (woohoo new washer and dryer!)
• Only apx. 25 days of watching for the mail man and RUNNING to get the mail for two reasons, either a crack head will get it or the Crazy Cat (and dog) (oh and chicken) Lady next door (MIL) - don't know which one worries me more... (if she gets the mail she forgets to give me mine for at least a week and I only get what she can find)
• Only 29 more days of hiding any food scraps in the garbage so the CCL doesn't feed it to her dogs (I only keep it because its old, gross food like 3 week old pizza)
• Only apx 14 days of sharing our room with our 2 year old because all the other kids are home and she has no where else to go! (She's MOOOOvin on UUUUP to sharing a room with her sister - can I get a w00t w00t!)
• Only 29 more days of living with clutter EVERYWHERE and not knowing WHAT to do about it! (yeah yeah I know, but I can dream!)
• Only 29 more mornings spent cleaning applesause, bananas, and oatmeal off the old nasty carpet! (ALL TILE DOWNSTAIRS BABY! no more banana-green bean suprise between my toes)
• Only 29 more days of keeping the curtains closed and all that beautiful sunlight out (it was either dark days or watching a non-stop parade of crackheads and homeless - I stand by my choice)
• Only 29 more days of tip-toeing throughout the house and keeping after the kids to keep quiet after the baby goes to bed (this house creaks and cracks worse than an old woman!)
• Only 29 more days of listening to CCL refer to my new house as an apartment, once she sees it she better recognize (who am I kidding, it's gonna be A LONG TIME before she gets to visit!)
• Only 29 more days until I can get out and meet people! (people who don't think Typhoid is still around every corner!)
• Only 65 more days until I pay a mortgage for a house I actually LIVE in! (see yesterdays entry to make any damn sense of that statement)
• Only 28 more chances of walking out the door in the morning to step in a moist pile of youdontwannaknowwhatcameouttathatcat (I HATE CATS I HATE CATS I HATE CATS)
• 7 more days until we pay off every medical, credit or otherwise, debt we have! Debt free baby! w00t! (at least this mess with his mom will pay off with her down payment on buying our house)
• 29 more days of only having Lodi-Duck-Poo-Lake or Woodward-Muckville-Reservoir to take these poor kids swimming (YAY POOL! less than 20 feet from my front door)
• 3 more weeks until I can actually go to a mom's group meet up that I joined MONTHS ago (I'll need something to do for the week(s) that the kids are in school but I don't have the keys to our house yet!)
• Only 29 more days of seeing that count down widget and hoping if I stare at it hard enough it will say 1 more day! (COME ON COME ON COME ON - SAY 1 DAMN YOU!)
• Only 29 more days before my REAL life begins! (I know that sounds lame, but I just don't feel like I belong HERE, I don't fit in HERE, this kind of living is just not for me and YAY WE'RE GETTING THE F**K OUT!)

Ok, I think that's a long enough list . . . for now ;-) Ahhhhh, I feel better now. A little more up beat and positive! Maybe I'll go pack something! w00t!

TNT!

House Update

So I may or may not have an appointment with my loan lady (Lois Loan) at 11:00 this morning to discuss the industrial sized monkey wrench that was thrown into the workings our house buying process.

This all started last week when the MAN called and talked to the guy handling my MIL's paperwork. We originally met with him with the idea of him handling all of our business but we went with the builder's loan people due to some incentives they gave out. He told us this whole process would be EASY. That he could handle EVERYTHING for the process of selling our property to his mother. HA! He tells us that since it's family, all she has to do is assume the loan on our property and transfer her to title and us off - DONE! HA! He also says that way there is no loan process or appraisal needed - HA! So for MONTHS we have been operating under these details and just the other day he called to see what the hold up was NOW. There have been SEVERAL exasperating details that have come up within this whole process that have basically had us tearing our hair out and screaming at the skys "WHY O WHY is she so CRAZY?!"

That's when he tells us that "well I can't transfer her to your title, YOUR loan person has to do that" AND "well you can't just have her ASSUME your loan, you have to refinance and in that case she would have to qualify and we would have to get it appraised" AND HE SAYS "I really don't KNOW if she'll qualify" - !!!!! Needless to say, we're freaking out just a little. We were banking on her buying that house so we could qualify for the new house. We needed that sale for the down payment on said new house. We also can't just turn around and sell it to someone else because A) we don't have the time and B) she has TRASHED the place since she's living in it. Oh, it's just so damn stressful even to think about this whole thing.

So the MAN called Lois Loan and she says "Not to worry" and that there is some form we can fill out and say that she is leasing to buy our house. That she is putting a down payment on it and is going to buy it SOME DAMN DAY. Which all sounds super, as long as we can still qualify for OUR house with all that hanging over our heads. It also means that we have to get a renter into the property of MILs that we are currently in because that would be the ONLY money to cover the mortgage on the house she is buying from us . . . are you lost? Cause I am :-(

MIL owns properties A and C, we own property B and all properties are next to each other as they were bought when Adam was a boy. We live in A because we have hella kids and she was SUPPOSED to give it to DH when she inherited it in the FIRST PLACE. He spent months renovating it after she TRASHED it by living in filth with her 27 cats for 5 years. She lives in our house B because it's small but has a huge lot and she can just KISS IT! House C is currently vacant as she was renting it but they screwed her and now DH has been renovating THAT house for months. She was going to sell it but because she has a mortgage on IT, now it looks like she'll have to rent it again. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE HELL SHE DOES AS LONG AS I GET THE F**K OUT. She doesn't want to sell it anyway, she thinks all this property is "money in the bank" as she puts it, even though everything she touches turns to crap and is basically worthless. But again, I DONT CARE AS LONG AS I GET THE F**K OUT. Now of course this doesn't sound nearly as frustrating as it seems like I make it out to be, but TRUST ME, IT IS. You would think she would be at least SOMEWHAT greatful for all the renovations her son has done to her houses FOR FREE, but what she does is blame him for everything she can think of and if she can't think of anything she makes it up. I swear she does, I've seen her do it. Plus she talks A LOT of shit. She goes around telling people that we're "buying some crappy little townhouse that's no better than living in an apartment" and "we just think we're fancy and need some fancy house to make us feel better even though we can't really afford it" and there's more of course, we know because these people make comments to us about our "sad little apartment we're paying too much money for". Which in reality could not be farther from the truth.

BUT WHATEVER. I guess I'm a little more upset with her than I realized when starting this post. I am just so tired. So tired of her little games and her talking shit and being in my business. Yesterday, in the middle of telling me that my baby cries whenever she comes over because I DUMP HER OFF ON HER TOO MUCH, (she NEVER babysits anymore cause i don't trust her)and then when i tried to tell her that ACTUALLY she needs to be around more people because she is only EVER with me and cries whenever anyone else is around and thats not healthy (SHES 2) she finished with *insert decrepid old lady voice here "WEEEEELLLL, you can't expose her to people cause she might get TYPHOID! It's CRAZY out there these days ya know!" Then as I was picking my jaw up off the floor she slipped out the back before I could ask her what the F**K was wrong with her. One day I will have to tell all of you (3) lovely internet folk why it is that we call her the Crazy Cat Lady.

All that being said, and it was a lot to say, I should get going. I must feed 4 kids, chase and diaper one, shower and try to look presentable in this humid 80 degree RAINY weather, and call the CCL to come watch said heathens and try to remind her that YES I DID TELL YOU ABOUT THIS ALREADY DONT ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW! So I will go. and I WILL conquer. and I will come back to tell you all why i KNOW she is CRAZY. So thanks for all (3 of you) supporting me through this trying time, even if it is just by reading my thoughts without commenting ;-) j/k . . . mostly . . .

OK, TNT!

Lessons Learned

Okay, here are a few things I have learned...

• I.NEED.air.conditioning.to.FUNCTION!
• They don't call it a "swamp cooler" for nothin!
• "Swamp cooler" + hot temps = Georgia in the summer time.
• I don't EVER want to visit the south during the summer time.
• I don't like sweating just walking from one end of the house to the other - I have a small house.
• No AC + 106 degree temps = 1 CRANKY mama!
• I you live in Texas or Tennessee and still want my cranky ass to visit, it will take MANY mango-tini's to get me there!
• It's really dumb to add an exercise habit to your SMART Habits Saturdays when you have no gym membership, no AC, and it's 14,000 degrees outside.
• I wish my friends lived closer, and had AC, and had no jobs so I could hang out in their air conditioned goodness all damn day.
• I.NEED.AIR.CONDITIONING.TO.FUNCTION
• I love digital (hehe - thought that was gonna be about AC didn't ya?! Stealthy...that's me)
• I don't love taking 238,937 pictures and having 15 come out - but I love it digital instead of on film!
• I love scrapbooking, but not even THAT is fun in "Georgia" (read: my house after 11:00am)
• Scrapbooking on the fly is more difficult that I thought, fun, but difficult
• I love finding cheap scrappy stuff - makes it WAY easier to justify to the MAN! (got a sweet travel case normal $39.99 for $7.48!!!!! - JoAnn's ya'll)

Hmmm what else have I learned not related to scrapbooking and hating "Georgia" . . .

• Blogging with pictures is easier/better than without.
• It ALSO helps if you have a point.
• Most times I have one of those, guess which one!
• I love comments.
• I am a comment whore.
• According to a BFF, "that's better than being just a regular whore" - I'll take it ;-)
• I miss REAL smileys, like the one on IM that does the "loser" thing with the L on the foreheard = funny :-D
• I miss having my girlfriends around, I didn't appreciate it enough while they were here.
• And even if I did, which I might have, it still sucks.
• I can not WAIT to have tile floors.
• CARPET SUCKS by the dinning room (read:by the high chair)
• I am a procrastinator.
• I already knew that, I just put off admitting it ;-) (hehe - get it? ;-) yeah that's about the level of humor around here at 7:00 and it's already "Florida" in here (read: 77 degrees w/ a humidity of 100%ish)
• Running out of time to plan the day out of the damn house...coffee is done...so is this entry...

TNT! Wish me sanity people, luck is just not with me... :-D

More MEMEness!

Ok, miss Rebecca tagged me again with a somewhat random type MEME. The topic is randomness but has some pointed questions so that's good. Here goes!

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Wife/mother/homekeeperupper :-D
2. Customer Service Extrodinaire at a crappy flooring place
3. Customer Service with a crappy .com site
4. Customer Service at Toys R Us - Hmmmm...I see a pattern immerging here - serving people with little to no recognition ;-)

Four movies I would watch over and over again (and probably have)
1. Sleepy Hollow (I watch this EVERYTIME I see that it's on)
2. Princess Bride (I've watched it enough to quote pretty much EVERY line, and I do ;-)
3. Office Space (BEST.MOVIE.EVER)
4. ANY episode of Seinfeld or Sex and the City (I have them all on DVD so that TOTALLY counts!)

Four places I have lived:
1. Morro Bay, Cali (where I was born - on the ocean - LOVE IT!)
2. Lodi, Cali (lived most of my life there - eh)
3. Phoenix, Arizona (moved as a just married 18 year old(!) my oldest was born there)
4. Stockon, Cali (sigh...SOON TO BE O-town!)

Four shows I love to watch:
1. LOOOOOOOOST (that's LOST and if you haven't watched then you just don't know ;-)
2. Dancing with the Stars (LOVE IT!)
3. The Riches (it's on like FX or something - GOOOOOOD SHOOOOOW)
4. Dirt (also on FX or something - Courtney Cox Arquette is in it and it's awesome!)

Four place I have been on vacation:
1. Hawaii (when I was 16 when my grandparents lived there, *I* wanna live there!)
2. Disneyland (I know it's nothing spectacular, but to me it truly is magic, I could live there too! No, seriously.)
3. Laughlin, NV (quick trip but FUN, back when there were people to watch the kids! Ah the good ol days)
4. Dorrington, CA (Up in the mountains and BEAUTIFUL - my honey whisked me up there for my b-day right after he proposed to me :-D)

Four of my fav foods (only four?):
1. CHEESECAKE from the Blue Frog in Fairfield (my honey was at lunch there and brought me back a peice all the way to work, before we were even honeys)
2. CHEESECAKE from Marie Calendars (we had dinner there by accident, it was our non-official first date)
3. CHEESECAKE from Rosewood (that was our first real date and we go there EVERY time we get the chance)
4. CHEESECAKE well pretty much ANYWHERE ELSE ;-)

Four places I would rather be right now (again, only four?):
1. Disneyland (I told you, I could LIVE there)
2. A beautiful, warm, and not too crowded beach anywhere, with my honey
3. In the car on our way somewhere with all the kids
4. In my bed, taking a NAP

Four people to pass this MEME of sorts onto (HA FOUR!)
1. Sherry
2. Anyone is looking for something to blog about today...

TNT!

Embarassing Little Known Facts About ME LIST!

Well I got tagged again by one of those MEME things - w00t! Rebecca tagged me for this one and here are the rules:

1. Each player (?) starts with 8 random habits/facts about themselves, remember folks, let's keep it PG - well - maybe PG13 ;-)
2. Tagged people must write a blog about these habits or face death by ant hill.
3. At the end of your blog you must tag 8 people and run the risk of being ignored or alienated by these people, and post their names.
4. You must then leave them a comment on their site completely off the topic of whatever post you comment on, telling them they too have been "TAGGED!" and they must now read your blog and up your circulation numbers.

ON TO THE FUN!

Random Crap #1 - I am way to addicted to Starbucks. I enjoy my Venti Non-Fat No-Whip White Mochas so much that I create situations to justify getting one. "Man, it's Monday, I need a coffee" "WOW, Tuesday morning and all the kids are gone tonight, think I'll celebrate with a coffee!" "OH Wednesday afternoons are SOOOOO long, think I deserve a coffee" "GOOD JOB on getting up this morning - LET'S HAVE ANOTHER COFFEE!!" and so on...you should hear what I have to tell myself to justify the second coffee! Hey, at least I'm sending those Baristas through college!

Random Crap #2 - Thomas the Tank Train Engine WHATEVER freaks me the F**K out. I don't know why. I am well aware that it is a TOTALLY irrational fear (most of mine are) but that damn face is scary. I hate when that stupid shoe comes on TV when I'm not looking and I do look over to see it and I'm like AAHHH! Screw YOU crappy train and Alec Baldwin!

Random Crap #3 - I am a closet "Bachelor" Fan. Wow, I can't believe I just spoke (wrote) those words outloud. I haven't watched it in forever but this last season for some reason HOOKED me. I realized I would have to be a closet fan when the MAN says while watching a commercial for it "WOW, I am SO glad you don't watch those stupid shows...huh how could ANYONE watch that CRAP?" - I said something like "YEAH!" and watched it the next day online as soon as he left for the day ;-) And I don't know if ANY of you people were watching it this season but I TOTALLY CRIED when he choose that stupid girl over BEVIN! WHATEVER! I couldn't even listen to that other girl talk! He and Bevin were WAY cuter together too! UGH! WHATEVER! OK, that being said, if any one ever brings it up again I WILL DENY EVERYTHING ;-)

Random Crap #4 - I had like NO friends when I was a kid. I mean NO friends. In elementary school I was MORE than awkward. School was awful and I really had no idea how awkward I was until much much later. The only friend I had by my house would play with me after school but at school I wasn't allowed to talk to her or be her friend. I was her closet friend. What a bitch huh? I eventually came out of my shell in middle school and high school and evolved into the social butterfly you all know me as today *insert big smile and head tilt here :-D

Random Crap #5 - I watch the Backyardigans and Wonder Pets, and I like it. I even sing their songs! I even sing their songs when the TV is off! I think my baby likes it better when I don't. She kinda looks at my funny and stops singing until I'm done and starts again. Even my kids mock me!

Random Crap #6 - I value a sense of humor over good looks anyday. Don't tell my honey that, he thinks I married him for his sweet sweet ass ;-) I guess this is the reason I think Steve from Blue's Clues is better looking than say Jon Cluade Van Dam or somebody. NOW BEFORE YOU GO REPORT ME TO THE FREAK POLICE, I'm talking about Steve NOW not during the Blue's Clue's days, not that that makes a LOT of difference. He's a singer now and has this webpage that made me a little hot I admit - mostly because I was laughing so hard and he was just funny - check out the FAQs, but not in a corny way. And he just made me smile :-D NOW BEFORE YOU RUN TO GET THE FREAK POLICE ANYWAY check it out first before YOU mock me too!

Random Crap #7 - I have a linear line OCD kinda thing. I don't know how to describe it other than I like things even. Pictures, numbers, lines, decorations on tables stuff like that. I like equal numbered objects or equal mass on either side of an object. Weird, and hard to explain but it upsets me and I don't know why. I guess it's genetic though cause Boss and Monster have it too! Boss used to throw a FIT if her cup was not perfectly perpendicular to her plate and equadistant from the corner of her placemat, she was like 2 1/2. I just noticed Monster get upset at me the other day because I didn't put her sippy cup in the right place on the table and watched her pick up the cup and put it down in the right place and then turn the cup to face her. OCD man...

Random Crap #8 (FINALLY) - I actually do like these Meme things. I like thinking about off the wall stuff or just stuff in general that makes me think about myself. We spend so much of our time thinking about our kids or jobs or the house or whatever and don't get to just think about ourselves. So these MEMEs give you a chance (and excuse) to focus on you or what you think about WHATEVER it is. I think that is a great thing. Plus it gives me something to post about when I might not normally have posted and brings others into my world and let's me into theirs, or whatever ;-)

So I am tagging - SHERRY - and...um...I guess that's all :-( I guess I don't have many bloggy friends either or at least ones that haven't been tagged...It's LIKE GRADE SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN . . . NOOOOOOOOOOO!

;-) Sorta...

So there ya go, pass on this Random Crap About Me MEME or should as it turned out for me Embarassing Little Known Facts about Me...
:-D

TNT!

The CRAP We Go Through

I was sitting here, drinking coffee, reading LOST blogs and minding my OWN business when it finally happened...

I look at my almost 2 year old on the chair next to me to see a BARE ASS staring back at me . . . and the ASS was NOT CLEAN . . .

Yeah that's right . . . I have NOW experienced that Missing Diaper Moment, the Dirty Ass Dilemma . . . the Poo on your SHOE (except I was barefoot!).

HOW you ask? HOW did you make it through almost 3 (THREE) babyhoods without finding the trail of poo coming from an abandoned diaper? I DON'T KNOW AND DIDN'T QUESTION IT FOR FEAR OF TEMPTING FATE!!!!! Well, karma is a bitch and is kickin MY ass for laughing at all of YOU'RE stories of the poo poo suprise.

I really was starting to find that my morning was picking up. I was woken up EVERY 15-20 minutes last night (no exageration) to my baby TALKING. Either in her sleep or she just decided to forego sleep last night - either way - I woke up everytime she started talking. Then the MAN got up at 4 and needed SOMETHING, by the time I got back to sleep - she was UP and raring to go - at 5 (AM). I was so damn tired and would have shrieked when I looked in the mirror this morning, but all I could muster was 'aah'. Then I got up and made coffee the MAN's way and it came out GREAT! Things were looking up! Then after getting her breakfast (note to self: NO MORE EARLY MORNING FRUIT!) I sat down to a nice blog surfing session with my breakfast of champions - last nights brownies - w00t! Like I said...minding my OWN business...I did NOT expect to look down and see the poo poo plater.

I have never been through this before and it seemed to go in slow motion...imagine if you will...I look down, jump out of my chair and grab that nekid little baby to find that it was not your average CRAP . . . she had 'mud butt'. That is where the slow mo starts - I see and register the offense in my poor sleep deprived brain and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - Oh God, NOOOOOOOOO"

I run around carrying soiled child around looking for the dirty diaper and wipes she was playing with just a minute before. I turned around and around in circles like a LUNATIC looking for poo spots on the carpet but because we chose this RETARDED carpet that ALREADY HAS SPOTS I didn't know what was crap and what was just crappy carpet! I find and grab the wipes and try to figure out how to wipe her MUD BUTT without laying her down, meanwhile trying NOT to step in any AWOL shit that has to be SOMEWHERE. I managed to clean her with about 20 wipes as it was on the hands, feet, legs, knees, and all the cracks and crevices in between. Then I RUN and get a diaper, and onesie (SAY GOOD BYE TO DIAPER TIME MISSY!) and RUN back out before she has time to find the missing mess.

Then the REAL work begins - WHERE O WHERE did she go BEFORE I found her!!!!!! There is no discernable trail! I scouer the floor in the living room and into the dinning room only to be led to my NEW, WHITE, CHAIRS! I scream again - "dear GOD NO!" - you will be relieved to know that I am one of THOSE people who bought WHITE-micro-fiber-seated-way-to-expensive-to-have-around-little-kids furniture . . . and left the plastic on the chair seats :-D

SO, said POO was on the plastic, and the rest of the chair as well as the wood floor in the dinning room. But NO WHERE ELSE - WHA?! But I don't trust it...I got out the vacuum and spray bottle of oxy clean and sprayed EVERY DAMN SUSPECT SPOT I FOUND. Egh...I want to get the damn floor BLEACHED - I won't - but MAN I WANT TO! This just reinforces my choice for tiling the whole damn downstairs of the new house! Then I CAN bleach the shit! (pun intended).

So, I have now entered that faction of parents who have had the shit hit the fan in the most literal way. To have experienced the Poo being Threw, the Carpet Matted in Mud, the Shit Being Slung. I have yet to find floaters during bath time...but I can't imagine that is far behind. Perhaps that will be an entry for tomorrow!

TNT!

WOW ... 2 Posts in ONE Day?!

Ya know, before today I never really put much stock in curses or voodoo...UNTIL today.


My poor frazzled, nervous wreck of a husband, had to take that BOAT out today for attempt NUMBER 2 at the test drive for our buyer. Mind you, our HOUSE is riding on the sale of this boat. We just picked it up YESTERDAY from the THIRD boat fixer.


The first time was because it wouldn't get up to speed and it was a computer problem that the first boat fixer couldn't fix but still charged us $250. The second boat fixer guy, up in ROCKLIN, fixed said computer problems and $1000 LATER said all was GREAT! We took it out for the first test drive and the boat started knockin around like it was going to explode. On to THIRD boat fixer guy who has to remove the entire engine to get to the problem $1000 LATER. That brings us to today...


My poor husband meets the buyer out there at the dock AGAIN and pays the dock fees AGAIN and he turns the key and 'CLICK' - SMOKE FILLS THE FREAKIN ENGINE! The starter blew up and fryed all the wires. WTF?????


Now this is where the curse comes in. His ex and him had a NASTY break up and she claims to be WICAN or whatever. So my question is...does anyone out there know how to crush a curse or vanquish some voodoo? Anyone with experience on EXORISING DEMONS from marine equipment? I need an old priest and a young priest and jet engine. If I were to throw holy water on it do you think it was sink? Oh wait, it already TRIED that see post "Hoppy Easter" April 2007. Maybe sinking it wouldn't be such a bad idea, if we had insurance on it. Can a blog be used against you in a court of law, say in insurance fraud cases? This is just rediculous now, well I think we passed rediculous $1000 ago.


We had to break into his deposit to pay for the LAST repairs. So far, this guy has been pretty cool. Even though he has seen SMOKE coming from the engine and heard the un-earthly noise come from the hull, he's still interested. Could be that's because he talked us down $7,500 maybe. Maybe he figures that we knocked the price down and now we're taking care of all the repairs and not complaining about it (to him anyway ;-) so he's getting a good deal. Although, I just can't see him thinkin that much more. I mean if I had been buyin this boat and had seen HALF of what he has, I would have walked, no RUN, in the other direction screaming 'dear GOD it's possessed!' but that's just me. I wonder if his wife wonders why he keeps coming home with no boat? I know everytime *I see that damn thing backing into the drive way I wonder 'WHAT THE HELL NOW and wanna set fire to it, again, maybe just ME.


SO! WHO'S IN THE MARKET FOR A BOAT?! I know where you can get one! REAAL CHEAP! WE'RE ABOUT READY TO PAY SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKE IT! It was originally a $50,000 boat (that was before me ya'll, don't THINK *I would have been good with that!) and we are letting it go for a SCREEEEEEAAAAMIN deal - only $25,000! It's only got 7 hours on the engine (mostly cause we can't get it out of the dock) and TONS of new parts (CAUSE THEY KEEP EXPLODING) It's a total chick magnet (if the coast guards happen to be female) and you can fit 10 in it! (Good thing, cause it takes that many to paddle back to shore). Comes with many upgrades including a swim deck (the first part of the boat to be noticibly underwater if you start going down so keep any eye on it!) and a wake tower (when going down, this will give you extra leverage to stay out of the water until the coast guard arrive) and life jackets for each person (speaks for itself) SO . . . ya know anyone who might be interested???


*This blog does not represent a valid sales offer even if you WANTED it to.
**Curse may be transferable.
***Any demons found on boat shall be assumed by the buyer.
****Crazy ex wife not included.

YAY IT'S MAY!

Three months to go people! The count down has BEGUN (well, it really begun the day we moved IN, but who's counting ;-)

Sorry no random pictures today. I don't really have a topic either...just felt like I should post or talk or something. Let's see...what's going on...let's make another I'm-not-OCD-I-just-like-lists LIST! ;-)

• The AC is still out! But it's raining so it's ok-ish. It's raining, but still 70 degrees in here! And let me add to the reasons I don't care too much for the crazy cat woman
• REASON 1,237,874 - When the AC went out, I struggled with whether or not to pay for it ourselves, or have her pay for it. DH told me she brought it up and he told her he'd have to check with me because I don't like letting her pay for things that are my responsibility. Now, if we were STAYING here, living here, I would say 'yes, we will find a way to pay for this ourselves - we keep saying this is our house, we should treat it that way' - thing is, it's NOT our house. She has told us that since we moved in, and now, she's right. We are just renting it from her and if it was anyone else, SHE would have to fix it. So since she OFFERED, I told the MAN to tell her ok! And like she does DAILY - she decided that she didn't want to anymore. She said, "WEEEEEEELLLLL, let's just hook up a SWAMP COOLER to the window" - W.T.F????? Do you think ANYONE would pay to rent this place in the middle of AUGUST with NO AC for $1500???????? Sigh...
• We had a rough day Monday - should I say - the MAN was having a rough day which meant *I was having a rough day. He had picked up the boat and it's costing us another $1000!!!!!!! And they said the problem was some bolts that were never tightened when the boat was BUILT! The company is now gone and there is no going to them about it, so i just SUCKS and makes him scared to death that something else will go wrong when he tries to sell it.
• The same day, the Boy comes home and says there is a Science Night thing at his school and he wants to go SOOOOO bad! Well, the MAN is not known for loving crowds, other peoples kids, school functions, his sons teacher, his ex-monster-in-law who volunteers there, or putting on a fun face when he is in a CRAPPY mood - but I talked him into going anyway :-D
• We had a GREAT TIME! We got to take my girls too and since they rarely have school functions on Mondays when we have all the kids together, it was really special. The kids behaved great, Monster-in-law kept her distance, so did the teacher, they had fun and learned stuff (maybe ;-), won a T-shirt for the Boy and the MAN, and then we went for pizza afterward. Even THAT went smoothly which doesn't happen all the time. We talked and laughed and it was a great time. SO glad we all went.
• Went to see the loan lady - Lois Loan (not really, but its a Seinfeld reference) because I had some questions about the paperwork they sent in the mail. She kinda feels like a little like a car sales man, I kept thinking "Hey lady, we've already BOUGHT the place, you can stop selling it now!" But instead I said "Yep, we love it, thats WHY we bought it" about 15 times. I felt a little like she was trying to get around my questions, but I did get the answers I was looking for and found that our payment is actually $100 less a month than I thought - DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY STARBUCKS THAT IS?! ;-) Almost enough . . . almost enough :-D So it was a good meeting. She says we've been loan approved and all is well. And the payment went down eventhough we upgraded some of flooring/countertop options, so that was good.
• I have learned that I need my cell phone more than I might admit to myself. Yesterday I paniced (sp??) when I realized I had lost it either by leaving in on top of my car and driving away or having it stollen outside my kids' school, or it dropped out in the classroom when I dropped off my preschooler. I was at WinCO (a warehouse grocery store for us po' folk) and realized I had lost it. So when I left I had deduced that it was somewhere near the preschool about 30 minutes from where I was. I thought about it as I loaded my frozen juice cans/chicken and fresh veggies in the car, and thought "Yes, yes I do need it THAT bad that I have to now drive an HOUR out of the way to go get it" and I felt good, admiting you have the problem is the first step...not that I plan to DO anything about it, but still...I felt good about that and rewarded myself with a coffee! YAY SELF AWARENESS! ;-)
• OH - it was in the preschool classroom for those of you on the edge of your seats - :-D Crisis Averted!
• I love that my honey loves Dancing with the Stars as much as I do. I can't help it, I LOVE that show! And I realized last night when he and I were watching it online cause we missed it Monday, that its fun watchin it and criticing (sp???) it and talking about the music/outfits/dancing/judging together and him acutally being INTERESTED in it and getting excited about it too! It just hit me when he said "WOW, that was a great performance! He really had the intensity that dance needs and the footwork was great. His posture wasn't great but I think it's a 9" - I looked at him and said "You're so pretty" :-D meaning it in the manliest way POSSIBLE! ;-)
• Now I must leave my slightly comfortable house and put on 'real' clothes to go get my little one from preschool. WOW I will not miss having to drop everything, get all cleaned up, to drive 20 minutes, both ways, to get out, and make nice with other people in society, who I always imagine are judging me. There was more to that, but now I have to GO! SEEEE...

TNT! Happy Commenting!

Go Get Goals! or something...

SO, I was tagged with this Get Goals Going or something MEME thing, a while ago, but just haven't really had the inclination to think about it. Now, don't start thinking that I've had some epiphany or anything, just time and boredom ;-) So here goes me Gettin on Good with Goals...

• Gotta Get Goal #1 - I want, no need, to find my passion/talent. I know, all of you are screaming at your screen "COMEDY GIRL, thats your talent!" and to that I say, "yeah, I know, but it just don't pay" - ;-) j/k, mostly. Really though, I would love to find and cultivate what I am truly good at. Sure, I can make a mean Peach Upsidedown Cake, clean a stank butt, get myself and four kids out the door to school in less than an hour, oh AND make MILLIONS of people laugh every day (potentially - YOU DONT KNOW!). But at some point I will have to enter back into the work force and it would be nice to do something I LIKE, not just something to pay the bills.

• Go-Go Goal #2 - Take more time for myself. Too many of us mama's end up sacrificing our selves "for the sake of the kids" and that ends up being bad for us and inturn, bad for them. If we are not happy with ourselves, how can we make anyone else happy? I need time to be myself, to remember what makes me me. And that's not just good for me, its good for my marriage too. If I can't remember me, how will my husband? My kids need for the MAN and I to have a happy and strong marriage, after all they have been through they need to know that this family is something they can count on. They need to be able to look to us as what a healthy marriage and relationship should be. Not that any relationship is without its problems, but they need to see how you work things out, how you deal with problems, and how you treat the people you love - and mostly - how the people you love SHOULD treat you. We moms can't allow our lives to stop completely when we have kids, what happens when they leave? If we have raised them correctly they will go off into the world and make a life for themselves - then what do WE do?

• Gotta Go Goal #3 - Teach myself (hopefully the MAN too ;-) to handle stress a little better. I keep thinking "wow, things have been so stressful lately - I'll *instert activity here* later." But LIFE is stressful, something is always happening, I can't keep thinking I'll deal with things when life has calmed down, cause it probably won't - and then what? Like my goal #4 -

• Getta Great Goal #4 - Live, and eat, healthier. To successfully lose weight, you can't diet, you have to really change your life. At least if you expect to keep the weight off. Exercise can't be something I look at like a chore or a punishment. I have sooooo much trouble with that one! We actually eat pretty healthy around here. We rarely go for fast food. We get pizza on occasion if we're out or having company which doesn't happen too much lately. I have been cooking more lately too and I try to cook stuff with healthy ingredients, at least healthier ;-) I do have my vices though, Starbucks at 430 calories A POP(!) is one of them. I also have a love affair with brownie batter. I would eat an entire batch of brownie batter if my kids would let me I think. WOW, don't you love the personal accountability there! ;-)

• Go Girl Goal #5 - Ummmm...hmmmm...how bout four? OK SOUNDS GOOD! So there are my four Getting Great Goals I am working toward. Nothing too progressive or astounding, just important to me. But I guess that would be the whole premise behind Go Goal Getter so there ya go! Now I know everyone has been tagged by this thing already so I just say to those of you who have not thought about it or blogged about it - now you have a topic! GO - BLOG - GO BLOG NOW! :-D

So, until I am struck with a brilliant idea like Goals Getting Gotten - TNT!

HUNT DUCK

So by popular demand...I am blogging some scrapbooking stuff. This is a paperbag album that I made for my sweet hubby's birthday. He loves duck hunting so I found some embelishments and papers for hunting!

This is the front of the book and the insert with a cute little note written to my honey, then the truest words ever spoken on a sticker "We Interrupt This Marriage to Bring You the Hunting Season"...

This was his first trip and the first picture, I love this pic of him, not exactly sure why. I love the look on his face, absolute excitement. Its funny, later he was looking at the ducks on the right hand side and had to tell me that ducks don't fly in that formation...I was like 'Hon, its a sticker. I didn't make it but I'll be sure to let them know they are incorrect."

This is the o4-05 season, Jim, his son Michael, and the MAN in some weeds somewhere ;-) I love the paper though, it looks like the weeds and has that hunter in the left corner.

This was the 05-06 season started with this awesome picture he took of an area right out on our delta. The other two seasons he and Jim would drive 3 (or more) hours away and get there at like 4 o 5 AM! NUTS...I love this picture, so pretty. The insert is a picture of the walk out there, I think he has more scrapbooker in him than he would like to admit :-D

This is all the guys with their prizes on opening day of the 05-06 season. I love the camo paper! I tease him all the time when he gets home all camo-ed out "HONEY? WHERE ARE YOU? I CAN'T SEE YOU?" then I start laughing hysterically - he doesn't think its so funny, especially since I say it every time ;-) So when I gave him the book I said "I thought I put pictures on this page! Where did they go?!" ;-) LOL

This is the MAN in the water. I guess he fell in and Jim felt that was a good time to start takin pics! The pic on the left it looks like he's dancing cause he has both hands in the air, looks like he's doing the Chandler - lol. He says he wasn't but I don't know. The insert is Jim's son hiding in their duck blind - CAN YOU SEE HIM??! ;-) On the right he is draining the water from his jacket - F - U - N!

This is the 06-07 season. Again he has the look I love on his face and they had quite a good opening day! I thought it was funny that they have the camo clothes, camo gun, camo hat and all that right, then he shows me the CAMO SUNGLASSES he would like to get next year - WTF???

I made an open layout for next years picture and a little journal box area. Simple but I liked the paper.

This is the back cover with the second truest words ever written on a sticker - "Eat, Sleep, Hunt." That pretty much sums up November through February round here ;-)

Now a little disclaimer here, the album look a little dishevled only because we were on location when I gave it to him. Sitting on a rock in the middle of a river drinking a glass of wine and in some commotion (hehehehe) he knocked it over ALL OVER THE ALBUM! AND MY CAMERA! Don't feel too badly though, it gave me an excuse to upgrade and get a new 7.1 megapixel BABY! w00t!

Oh That Monster...

Okay, so I have a funny story - with picture - from Saturday. We were on our way home from the caverns and we stopped at this little drive up and get out type place in Lockeford. Now first...a little background...

Monster has this thing where when she is done with a certain food she takes whatever is left of it and throws it on the floor or tucks it into her high chair. She knows that I usually don't give her something different until she finishes what she has. I'm not all nazi about it or anything, I just know that she won't eat her green beans if she has yogurt on her tray too. So this is her thing, eat n chuck.

So we were eating at this little drive up place and she is enjoying her chicken nuggets then the MAN gives her a french fry instead. She takes a bite and seems to be alright with it. A few seconds later Boss says "Monster, WHAT are you doing? - NO Monster! Don't put your fry in my pocket!" - She had decided she didn't want her fry anymore so had to hide it to get her chicken nuggets back - so she tried to put it in Boss's back pocket! ;-)

It was pretty funny. So she finished her nuggets and then DH gave her another fry. Well, appearently that was more fry than she wanted cause yet again "MOM! Monster's stuffing her fry in my back pocket again!" Hehe - man she cracks me out - as Sweetness would say ;-)

WOOHOO WOOHOO!

Ok, let me start this off by saying WOW this is gonna be a long one! My hubby and I are looking into buying a new house! We just found it last weekend and we are already starting the prequalification process! There are a lot of factors that will either make or break this whole thing so it's not for sure yet, but we are pretty hopeful. I am SURE I will talk more about that in the months to come but for now...let me introduce you to our home :-)

Let me first say that this picture is not that great, I tried to make it bigger and ended up just making it blurry - sorry - I'm using MS Paint here for goodness sake! So bear with me as I take you on a virtual tour :-D

#1 - Two porches! No grass to mow or weeds to pull, gardener is included in homeowner dues.

#1a - I WILL NOT MISS the 27 (YES…27) cats next door, the fleas, and the 5:30AM CAT ROLL CALL.

#2 - The rooms have high ceilings and there’s a fireplace! Next to that is a built in cabinet for a TV, great use of space!

#2a - I WILL NOT MISS looking out the window into the ghetto and one of three things - a crackhead in my garbage can, a homeless person in my garbage can, or a crazy cat woman in my garbage can.

#3 - The dining room is pretty big I think, big enough for our table anyway! There is another porch that comes off the south wall too that is enclosed. Just right for an after dinner glass of wine and cigar in the summer.

#3a - I WILL NOT MISS hitting my head on the beautiful chandelier (sp?) because it is way too damn big for this low ceiling.

#4 - I actually liked the kitchen! Its kinda small but has a lot of cabinet space and counter space. It comes standard with a HUGE dual sink and under cab lights! There is a pantry and the south wall is open with a bar! Perfect for feeding kids in the morning so I can keep my dinning room table pretty and clean! Maybe even set it like you see in those model homes, ya know with like the pretty settings that would never work in real life! That is until my baby climbs up there while I’m in the potty and starts chucking stuff just to hear the crash noise. /dream

#4a - I WILL NOT MISS having only ONE outlet for the entire kitchen, crappy paint job, and a crazy cat woman going through my kitchen garbage *insert old decrepit woman voice here “well, I saw you were gonna throw this old, two week old pizza away so I thought I’d give it to the dog, she loves people food!”

#5 - A DEN! At first this will be Monster’s room and we’ll be bringing some cabinets from this house since she doesn’t have a closet. When she gets older we may move her upstairs with the girls and transform this into our office/gym/scrapbook room :-D /dream

#5a - I WILL NOT MISS having to get up and sleep on the couch because a certain little SOMEONE can’t (WON’T) sleep if anyone else is in the room! I also WON’T MISS dragging her portable crib up and down stairs every other day to which ever room is empty that night!

#6 - The powder bath is pretty big so there will be room for a cute little storage type deal in the corner there! Next to the door are upper and lower cabinets for … stuff, I don’t know what yet but I’ll figure it out! Across from the door is the washer and dryer, inside YAY!

#6a - I WILL NOT MISS walking out into a sauna every time I need something from the fridge if the dryer is going. MY GUESTS WILL NOT MISS getting locked in the bathroom and having to knock on the door until someone hears you to get OUT!

#7 - 2 car garage! Upper cabinets come standard to store car stuff … or something :-D You know, even when I had a house with a garage I never once parked a car in it? We lived there for a couple years and it was so full of CRAP that we couldn’t even get ONE car in there!

#7a - I WILL NOT MISS my car being CRAPPED on by the damn tree on the side of the driveway that a certain crazy cat woman won’t let us tear down because it was her mom’s favorite >:-\ I won’t miss my car being so covered in sap and sticky stuff that the door sticks sometimes! I won’t miss having to park 3 cars behind each other and having to move them all if one person wants out and make sure they are behind the gates at night or risk break in/theft/tire slashing/graffiti!

#8 - This will probably be the Boy’s room. He’ll have a regular closet, right now we don’t even use the one he has except to put stuff when we don’t know where else to put it!

#8a - I WILL NOT MISS the 3 (THREE) dressers and 2 (TWO) bookcases he has in his room now that came with the house because a certain crazy cat woman decided they had to stay here cause she had no room for them and refused to get rid of them. That is a lot of furniture for a 7 year old boy’s room man - and it’s on TOP of the floor to ceiling built-in cabinets in the room!

#9 - I love Bath 2! It has dual sinks, and the tub and toilet in a water closet. Outside the door is a set of upper and lower cabinets for linens and stuff like that.

#9a - I WILL NOT MISS the screaming fights that break out when 3 kids are brushing their teeth and one has to go potty and the others have to wait outside, on carpet, with toothpaste dripping down their little faces; or the screaming fights that break out when one person accidentally (or purposely) spit on another while brushing over a tiny pedistal sink!

#10 - Bed #2 will probably be the girls’ room. I am looking forward to getting rid of A LOT of their stuff so we can have a room that doesn’t have toys like carpet! Since the have bunk beds I think we may even have space for a desk, R is starting to need that. I am going to try to put their HUGE Barbie house in the closet so we can keep the bulk of the toy mess in there.

#10a - I WILL NOT MISS stepping on a toy with EVERY SINGLE STEP when I try to tuck the girls into bed! And yes I realize that this is partly my fault for reasons like 1) I should make them clean their room more and 2) I should be up there more and supervise or at least not let the mess get to the level that it does; but I don’t, on both counts - don’t judge me ;-)

#11 - YAY MASTER BEDROOM! It’s going to barely be big enough for our bedroom stuff but we’re used to that already anyway. Its got a window though! A window I can actually open! A window that doesn’t look out onto Cat Country! Then you walk down the hall and there are TWO closets! HIS AND HERS BABY! Of course mine will be the walk in ;-)

#11a - I WILL NOT MISS having a closet HALF the size of the small one for two people with A LOT of skinny clothes that both of us are unwilling to get rid of! Plus, hiding Christmas presents is getting REALLY hard to do!

#12 - The Master Bath is AWESOME. It has a water closet for the potty…AWESOME. There are some things that I don’t want to share with my husband, and I REALLY don’t want him sharing with me! And for that I am thankful that there is a window in the water closet! There is also a stand up shower, and its big enough for 2! AND there is a tub! And the one upgrade we’ll be paying for will be a Jacuzzi tub! YAY! AND there are two sinks! AND a COUNTER! Ok, if you know what my ‘master’ bath looks like now, you know why that would excite me!

#12a - I WILL NOT MISS my hubby saying “My back hurts, will you rub me?” cause I can say “GO TAKE A BATH! WE PAID ENOUGH FOR YOUR JACUZZI, GO USE IT!” ;-) I WILL NOT MISS hearing things from the bathroom that I really DON’T need to know about my honey.

#13 - The neighborhood. There is almost too much to say about that. There are parks all around us, a bike trail behind us, a community pool and spa, NEIGHBORS! The girls will be going to a WAY better school, I’ve already checked it out and it is better than their school in EVERY aspect and will be right around the corner!

#13a - I WILL NOT MISS the crack heads, homeless mentally ill, crazy cat ladies, unintelligible ramblings at all hours, herds of cats, FLEAS, kids coming in covered in flea bytes saying ‘MOOOOOM - I’m IIIIIIIITCHHYYYYY!‘, gates and fences, cracking paint, cracking cement, weeds!, cutting grass!, crazy cat ladies going through my mail, justifying why I want to get my own mail, paying for her to water her mothers 50 rose bushes excessively, driving 15 miles each way 3-4 times a day to take my kids to a below standard school because it is better than the one here, and on and on, this could be a post on it’s own.

So until next time...thanks for comin by!

Tired...So...VERY...TIRED

I hate this dial-up connection when I am trying desperately to upload pictures. It takes too long and you can't do anything else while it's uploading, it has the be the active window. And it can take like 15-30 minutes! And you can't walk away and do anything else because you have to make sure the connection stays up which it won't unless you are doing something! ERRRRRRR . . . so NO pictures this morning! I'm just too tired for it.

So yesterday was pretty good. I got almost everything put away from Christmas, well I should say it's almost all boxed up anyway ;-) The boxes and tree however are still out and I'm pretty sure they will be for awhile, thats just the way it seems to go. But I was glad it was starting to look like I'd been doing something. Then the MAN got home and tells me that he's going hunting this weekend afterall (the season only goes through Jan. 27th - THANK GOD). However, when they went on Thursday the truck almost got broken into and his friends truck DID get broken into. So they decided until they get a boat and can park and launch elsewhere, they need someone to drop them off - at 4:00 IN THE MORNING. So since this "friend's" wife is a lazy whore, she wouldn't do it, so they ask my mother-in-law! The only thing this woman does that early is roll call her 27 cats for breakfast! So, being the good wife that I am, I offered to take them and she could come over and stay with the baby. He had mentioned they were going to have to PAY her so I said I still expected to be compensated. He says with that little devil look in his eyes "Oh I'll COMPENSATE you all right - hehe" - I said "Yeah, I can get that anytime I want - what else ya got?" ;-)

Then we went out for out little date night thing (that sounds lame). We had such a great time though. We went to several different places on the art circut and they had the most beautiful paintings! I couldn't BELIEVE what they sold for either! There were GREAT snacks and some really great wines. What was nice was to see him excited. He is so fun to be with especially when he feels like he has a purpose. Painting really gives that too him. We talked to one artist about her work and then about his and she invited him to come to the monthly meeting they have at the gallery. He was just over the moon about that. We talked to a couple of artists and they were actually interesting, not at all hoity toity like I would have thought. After all the snacking we weren't too hungry so we went to our favorite place Rosewood just for some appetizers and a glass of wine. It was so nice. I love sitting at the bar no matter where we are because you can be so close. It feels so intimate and romantic, we do it no matter where we go. It was a fun fun night and since the whole thing is FREE the only cost was our dinner. Can't beat that!

When we got home and sent his mom on her way we made sure that she knew - 4:00! Very important cause we were meeting his friend and the whole thing is very time related. They have to bike for 1/2 mile in the mud, set up their blind, put out their decoys, and get settled - all before dawn! F - U - N. So when he called and called and called her this morning with no answer, he was pretty pissed off. He woke me up and had me start calling her. I was a little tired still, go figure, cause the only person that answered was some poor tired lady that was NOT speaking english :-0 I felt sooooo baaaaaad for waking her up. We called his mother for 15 minutes NON STOP and no answer. So he starts freaking because we needed to leave immediately and he didn't know what to do. I told him to go get the car seat ready, we would just have to take the baby with us. Poor little thing, she was like 'what the HELL is going on?" I was afraid she wouldn't go back to sleep either since she was awake the whole time in the car. We got home at about 5:30 and I laid her back down PRAYING she would stay there. And just as I got back into bed and all snuggled in, guess who called? She says to me (insert mother-in-law voice here) "Yeah, so you guys goin or what? I been waitin for your call this whole time" - BULLSHIT. And I told her so. I said "well you weren't waiting at 4 when we called for 15 minutes straight. We've been and gone and home again - thanks though". She kept trying too, trying to tell me that she was ready, she was waiting for us. By the end of the conversation she finally said she MIGHT have fallen asleep. Whatever I said, and just to fuck with her, when she said "SO you had to take the BABY?!" I said "Nah, we just left her here - we figured she'd sleep through" ;-) It was bad I know, but she deserved it. There was a LONG silence and then I finally said "OF COURSE WE TOOK HER." It was funny though >:-)

She did go back to sleep, and so did I, until like 8:00! YAY! you would think, but I just feel worse for some reason, like when you take a nap in the middle of the day, it never helps me anyway. So now he hella owes me and thats fun ;-) I have to go get them soon, maybe then I'll get my coffee and feel better we'll see.