My Reasons

By the time you're done reading this entry I hope all you out there in the blogoworld will understand more WHY o WHY I call my mother-in-law the Crazy Cat Lady, if you don't already that is. Plus when I refer to her as such in future posts I will have something to link back to for all those new comers I keep getting who don't comment ;-) j/k . . . mostly :-D

Top 34,379 reasons I refer to her as the Crazy Cat Lady

1. She thinks having 29 cats (on a slow day) is no problem, humanitarian even.
2. EVERY CAT is maimed, mangled or missing some appendage and she has a sob story for each one.
3. She feeds said mangy cats table scraps, not because she monitors their diets and feeds them healthy foods, it's because she is THAT poor.
4. She thinks that living in COUNTY, and NOT within the city limits, means she has a farm.
5. She also has two dogs and 10 chickens.
6. She thinks Typhoid is lurking around every corner and will strike my 2 year old if I let anyone babysit her, including family, could be a possiblity at her house.
7. After 3 days of looking for it and thinking we were just out, I found my peanut butter in the fridge, kid says "Gramma put it in there" - of course she did.
8. She attempts to cut the grass, of THREE houses, with a weed eater cause it's "gotta get done".
9. She says she wants to keep as many of her 3 properties as possible cause it's "money in the bank" - but she refuses to ever sell or make any money off them cause she wants them to stay in the family.
10. She hand picks fleas and ticks off all her animals.
11. She has a revolving line of credit at the vet's office.
12. She once spent EVERY night of 2 months walking up and down a canal (filled with crackheads and homeless) calling a lost cat "VEEEEEELLLLLCRROOOOOOO".
13. She does a 5:00am cat roll call for breakfast, and thinks that everyone is (or should be) up by that time.
14. She then goes back in the house and takes a 1-2 hour bath.
15. She bathes several times a day, not for hygiene, but because there is a slow leak that fills the tub and she hates to waste water.
16. When not bathing, she hooks up a hose to this faucet and waters her back yard, but not in a productive way, she just floods one area.
17. She mutters to herself EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY, yes I DO know that for sure, trust me, she's loud and I can hear her through any open window.
18. She lives next door - oh wait - maybe that would be a reason why *I would be crazy.
19. She thinks people are going to scale her 10 foot tall iron gate/fence and break in if she leaves her front door unlocked for more than 5 minutes.
20. She once told me she wanted to leave a gun in MY house (with four kids) because she was afraid if she left in her house someone would break in and steal it.
21. She is convinced that people are "watching the houses" and waiting to take her prized unicorn collection or big screen TV if we all leave somewhere together.
22. She stops crackheads and homeless people collecting recycleables out of our garbages to either congratulate them or tell them to get away from her haul - don't know which - I just know I constantly see her out there at her gate talking to these folks.
23. Most times I think THEY have the look of "wow, this person really is nuts".
24. She avoids (at all costs) driving on the freeway because she thinks the speed limit is still 50pmh and every ELSE is driving crazy when they pass (and flip her off I'm sure) while she does 45.
25. She thinks bringing her rental house up to code is just "makin it FANCY" and doesn't REALLY need to be done.
26. She STILL thinks that drying her laundry on the line outside, in the middle of cat country, in the middle of the ghetto and city, in the smog and acid rain, makes them smell fresh as the day they were made.
27. She leaves laundry on the line during rain storms is just like another rinse cycle and makes em smell EVEN BETTER!
28. She once gave my 3 month old baby a crumbled up TUMS in her bottle because she thought she had gas, there were baby gas drops in the cabinet.
29. She spends HUNDREDS of dollars on bulbs every year that rot because she never plants them and then complains that she is "ALWAYS BROKE!"
30. Huh, only 30 so far? OH, she calls my new house an apartment because she thinks all townhouses are crap and you'd never convince her otherwise.
31. I once looked out the window and saw her SITTING in the ENGINE of her old-ass truck while she had this guy TURN IT ON so she could see what the problem was.
32. To hang Christmas lights, she puts a one sided ladder in the back of her truck and has her crotchety old friend Tilly spot her.
33. She cuts wood with a circular saw leaning one side up against her leg.
34. She cuts said wood, and twigs, and sticks so she can fit more in her garbage can. She does it all covert-like cause the garbage man won't take yard waste so she puts it in between other garbage.
35. She puts cat crap on the top of her garbage can to "keep people from going through her garbage and getting important information".

Yeah, I think I can stop there for now. I'll just add updates when I think of them, I'm sure it won't be long.