And They Wonder WHY I Drink

It's not that my life is THAT terrible or anything, it's just that the struggles I'm going through seem so long term right now.

As The MAN says "The light at the end of the tunnel still just looks like a train". Or something like that.

He's a glass-full kinda guy if you can't tell.

So since he got laid off in February we've self-employed. He has a tile license and we've been living off of him installing tile. In the current market that's not exactly a BOOMING area.

It's been very very hard on him physically. He's not in PRIME shape and is not a spring chicken (32) so this line of work is really taking a toll on him. And me. Because he whines. A LOT.

I really really REALLY try to be good about it. To listen without judging, support without bitching, rub his back without expecting it in return. But it's just getting so HARD. And I really hate to bug him about it.

It's not that I can't or don't talk to him about what's bothering me. I just try not to worry him too much.

Because he is a man. And men must fix.

So if there is something I'm worried about he focuses on it and freaks out over it until he just can't think straight and when he's hold a 300lb slab or installing tile on a ceiling ... that's not the BEST time to be distracted.

So I keep it in, and I worry myself nuts.

Mostly I'm worried about money these days. Money and lack of health insurance because of the lack of money. It's getting BAD. We're always behind on our bills, almost NOTHING seems to get paid on time. When I actually do get a check it's a matter of who is latest or rudest or has the biggest late fees.

And all that of course comes after we have to account for food and gas and it's really hard to do that if you have NO IDEA when the next check will come or how much it will be for.

The other issue I have is that he tries so hard to please me and stop me from worrying that he tells me "I can give you X amount from this job on Friday" then inevitably it is X-Y&Z on the following Friday. You can only imagine how frustrating that is when gas and food are as high as they are and there are 6 mouths to feed and drive around.

I honestly do my best not to freak out. To convince myself that we'll be ok. That used to work just fine ... when I knew we were never more than 2 weeks away from the next paycheck and I knew it was $X.

So now he says he wants to hire on some help. He would like to do that with a month or so he says. REALLY?! And would they be paying YOU because that's about the only way it's going to work. There are just so many costs associated with it that I just DON'T see how it's supposed to work.

He needs additional insurance - couple thousand dollars + a monthly expense
He needs to pay for their health ins - HA! WE don't even have any - couple more thousand down + a monthly expense
He needs to get the business "incorporated" - couple thousand dollars more
He wants to hire an accountant - another monthly expense
He needs to save for taxes - MANY thousands of dollars + the government UP YOUR ASS

I don't know. I know he can't continue to do all the work himself, he's just going to kill himself. Then what good is he! ;-)

But I'm just so nervous I can't sleep at night for fear of losing the house. And since our mothers are worse off than us ... THAT would be about the worst thing EVER. Especially since our house payment is probably about the same as we would be paying in rent.

Anyway...fun stuff fun stuff. But HEY the biline warns ya'll - VENTING will ensue. As will drinking ... it's GOT to be beer o'clock SOMEWHERE!

You Might Say My Bedside Manor is ... Lacking

It hit about a week ago. It got the baby first. Then the rest starting falling like flies. By Wednesday this plague upon my house had them all coughing and crouping, sneezing and dripping, whining and BITCHING. And yet, it has not hit me...

I have an iron lung appearently. And an immunity of super human proportions. Perhaps because I have drank my weight in cranberry/pomegranate green tea with honey over the last three days.

To be surrounded by the amount of CRAP that I am, and to hold out with only a slightly sore throat in the morning, I must be blessed ... OH and have the patiences of a SAINT.

I have 5 children ranging in ages from 2 - 32. It seems the oldest and the youngest are giving me the most problems. Monster has been HELL.ON.WHEELS since about Monday - throwing fits, throwing toys, and throwing her little weight around like she OWNS the place. Which is only different this week by the amount of GOO that is coming out of several of her orafices.

The MAN however ... is driving me out of my ever-loving mind. He, unfortunately, has something the rest of us don't.

He has the "Man-Cold". Which differs from the regular cold in that it is IMMENSLEY worse, requires constant attention, and is far more horrible than ANYTHING anyone else is going through at any given time. He came home the DAY I mentioned that the kids weren't feeling well and decided he was getting sick too.

Now I don't mean to say that I think ALL sickness is in your head, but I will say, that for the two of us, it seems to be. I decide that I am not getting sick. I can't. All you mothers know what I'm talkin about.

Can I get an AAAAAMEN?!

But HIM. He comes home and says 'MY LUNGS ... It's ATTACKING MY LUNGS" - which because of his fake stuffynose sounded like "BUY LUGZ" - I should have bought the Lugz. Considered it a reward for all the CRAP I would have to wade through over the next week. I attempted to banish him to the bedroom and get him out of my hair, and off my computer, but we can't find the remote so he has planted himself on my couch ... ahhhhh LOVE.

I REALLY AM TRYING FOLKS. I love him, and them, all very very much. But there is only so much snot wiping, med administering, cough hearing, whine ignoring, need answering that one woman can take.

Pray y'all. Not for me. For them. If they don't get over this soon, I will go insane and I will take them with me.

HUNT DUCK

So by popular demand...I am blogging some scrapbooking stuff. This is a paperbag album that I made for my sweet hubby's birthday. He loves duck hunting so I found some embelishments and papers for hunting!

This is the front of the book and the insert with a cute little note written to my honey, then the truest words ever spoken on a sticker "We Interrupt This Marriage to Bring You the Hunting Season"...

This was his first trip and the first picture, I love this pic of him, not exactly sure why. I love the look on his face, absolute excitement. Its funny, later he was looking at the ducks on the right hand side and had to tell me that ducks don't fly in that formation...I was like 'Hon, its a sticker. I didn't make it but I'll be sure to let them know they are incorrect."

This is the o4-05 season, Jim, his son Michael, and the MAN in some weeds somewhere ;-) I love the paper though, it looks like the weeds and has that hunter in the left corner.

This was the 05-06 season started with this awesome picture he took of an area right out on our delta. The other two seasons he and Jim would drive 3 (or more) hours away and get there at like 4 o 5 AM! NUTS...I love this picture, so pretty. The insert is a picture of the walk out there, I think he has more scrapbooker in him than he would like to admit :-D

This is all the guys with their prizes on opening day of the 05-06 season. I love the camo paper! I tease him all the time when he gets home all camo-ed out "HONEY? WHERE ARE YOU? I CAN'T SEE YOU?" then I start laughing hysterically - he doesn't think its so funny, especially since I say it every time ;-) So when I gave him the book I said "I thought I put pictures on this page! Where did they go?!" ;-) LOL

This is the MAN in the water. I guess he fell in and Jim felt that was a good time to start takin pics! The pic on the left it looks like he's dancing cause he has both hands in the air, looks like he's doing the Chandler - lol. He says he wasn't but I don't know. The insert is Jim's son hiding in their duck blind - CAN YOU SEE HIM??! ;-) On the right he is draining the water from his jacket - F - U - N!

This is the 06-07 season. Again he has the look I love on his face and they had quite a good opening day! I thought it was funny that they have the camo clothes, camo gun, camo hat and all that right, then he shows me the CAMO SUNGLASSES he would like to get next year - WTF???

I made an open layout for next years picture and a little journal box area. Simple but I liked the paper.

This is the back cover with the second truest words ever written on a sticker - "Eat, Sleep, Hunt." That pretty much sums up November through February round here ;-)

Now a little disclaimer here, the album look a little dishevled only because we were on location when I gave it to him. Sitting on a rock in the middle of a river drinking a glass of wine and in some commotion (hehehehe) he knocked it over ALL OVER THE ALBUM! AND MY CAMERA! Don't feel too badly though, it gave me an excuse to upgrade and get a new 7.1 megapixel BABY! w00t!