And They Wonder WHY I Drink

It's not that my life is THAT terrible or anything, it's just that the struggles I'm going through seem so long term right now.

As The MAN says "The light at the end of the tunnel still just looks like a train". Or something like that.

He's a glass-full kinda guy if you can't tell.

So since he got laid off in February we've self-employed. He has a tile license and we've been living off of him installing tile. In the current market that's not exactly a BOOMING area.

It's been very very hard on him physically. He's not in PRIME shape and is not a spring chicken (32) so this line of work is really taking a toll on him. And me. Because he whines. A LOT.

I really really REALLY try to be good about it. To listen without judging, support without bitching, rub his back without expecting it in return. But it's just getting so HARD. And I really hate to bug him about it.

It's not that I can't or don't talk to him about what's bothering me. I just try not to worry him too much.

Because he is a man. And men must fix.

So if there is something I'm worried about he focuses on it and freaks out over it until he just can't think straight and when he's hold a 300lb slab or installing tile on a ceiling ... that's not the BEST time to be distracted.

So I keep it in, and I worry myself nuts.

Mostly I'm worried about money these days. Money and lack of health insurance because of the lack of money. It's getting BAD. We're always behind on our bills, almost NOTHING seems to get paid on time. When I actually do get a check it's a matter of who is latest or rudest or has the biggest late fees.

And all that of course comes after we have to account for food and gas and it's really hard to do that if you have NO IDEA when the next check will come or how much it will be for.

The other issue I have is that he tries so hard to please me and stop me from worrying that he tells me "I can give you X amount from this job on Friday" then inevitably it is X-Y&Z on the following Friday. You can only imagine how frustrating that is when gas and food are as high as they are and there are 6 mouths to feed and drive around.

I honestly do my best not to freak out. To convince myself that we'll be ok. That used to work just fine ... when I knew we were never more than 2 weeks away from the next paycheck and I knew it was $X.

So now he says he wants to hire on some help. He would like to do that with a month or so he says. REALLY?! And would they be paying YOU because that's about the only way it's going to work. There are just so many costs associated with it that I just DON'T see how it's supposed to work.

He needs additional insurance - couple thousand dollars + a monthly expense
He needs to pay for their health ins - HA! WE don't even have any - couple more thousand down + a monthly expense
He needs to get the business "incorporated" - couple thousand dollars more
He wants to hire an accountant - another monthly expense
He needs to save for taxes - MANY thousands of dollars + the government UP YOUR ASS

I don't know. I know he can't continue to do all the work himself, he's just going to kill himself. Then what good is he! ;-)

But I'm just so nervous I can't sleep at night for fear of losing the house. And since our mothers are worse off than us ... THAT would be about the worst thing EVER. Especially since our house payment is probably about the same as we would be paying in rent.

Anyway...fun stuff fun stuff. But HEY the biline warns ya'll - VENTING will ensue. As will drinking ... it's GOT to be beer o'clock SOMEWHERE!