Goodbye, Sweet Garbage Disposal

My Dearest Garbage Disposal,

Did I not treat you right? Was it the used coffee filters that did you in? Or was it the barage of wee Polly purses and shoes over the last year that just broke your spirit ... I know it does mine.

I must say though, garbage disposal, you abandoned me at a very inopportune time. I have come to rely on you ... dare I say ... DEPEND on you. You have seen me through many a sticky situation. I know you must remember the day I cleaned out all the tupperware in the fridge. What would I have done with all that leftover whoknowsWHATthisisanymore without your help? And what about all the times you got rid of the fish head and bones DH left in the sink? WHERE would I have been with out you THEN?! I shudder to think...

What I'm trying to say is that you have become my constant. I always thought I could depend on you to take care of the stinky nasty messes that I just didn't want to deal with. And then you just gave up on me. After only a year. You gave up on me and our "I make the mess, you clean it up" relationship.

I shall miss you, garbage disposal. After 2 years without a garbage disposal, I really loved and appreciated every minute I had with you. I shall miss you.

And They Wonder WHY I Drink

It's not that my life is THAT terrible or anything, it's just that the struggles I'm going through seem so long term right now.

As The MAN says "The light at the end of the tunnel still just looks like a train". Or something like that.

He's a glass-full kinda guy if you can't tell.

So since he got laid off in February we've self-employed. He has a tile license and we've been living off of him installing tile. In the current market that's not exactly a BOOMING area.

It's been very very hard on him physically. He's not in PRIME shape and is not a spring chicken (32) so this line of work is really taking a toll on him. And me. Because he whines. A LOT.

I really really REALLY try to be good about it. To listen without judging, support without bitching, rub his back without expecting it in return. But it's just getting so HARD. And I really hate to bug him about it.

It's not that I can't or don't talk to him about what's bothering me. I just try not to worry him too much.

Because he is a man. And men must fix.

So if there is something I'm worried about he focuses on it and freaks out over it until he just can't think straight and when he's hold a 300lb slab or installing tile on a ceiling ... that's not the BEST time to be distracted.

So I keep it in, and I worry myself nuts.

Mostly I'm worried about money these days. Money and lack of health insurance because of the lack of money. It's getting BAD. We're always behind on our bills, almost NOTHING seems to get paid on time. When I actually do get a check it's a matter of who is latest or rudest or has the biggest late fees.

And all that of course comes after we have to account for food and gas and it's really hard to do that if you have NO IDEA when the next check will come or how much it will be for.

The other issue I have is that he tries so hard to please me and stop me from worrying that he tells me "I can give you X amount from this job on Friday" then inevitably it is X-Y&Z on the following Friday. You can only imagine how frustrating that is when gas and food are as high as they are and there are 6 mouths to feed and drive around.

I honestly do my best not to freak out. To convince myself that we'll be ok. That used to work just fine ... when I knew we were never more than 2 weeks away from the next paycheck and I knew it was $X.

So now he says he wants to hire on some help. He would like to do that with a month or so he says. REALLY?! And would they be paying YOU because that's about the only way it's going to work. There are just so many costs associated with it that I just DON'T see how it's supposed to work.

He needs additional insurance - couple thousand dollars + a monthly expense
He needs to pay for their health ins - HA! WE don't even have any - couple more thousand down + a monthly expense
He needs to get the business "incorporated" - couple thousand dollars more
He wants to hire an accountant - another monthly expense
He needs to save for taxes - MANY thousands of dollars + the government UP YOUR ASS

I don't know. I know he can't continue to do all the work himself, he's just going to kill himself. Then what good is he! ;-)

But I'm just so nervous I can't sleep at night for fear of losing the house. And since our mothers are worse off than us ... THAT would be about the worst thing EVER. Especially since our house payment is probably about the same as we would be paying in rent.

Anyway...fun stuff fun stuff. But HEY the biline warns ya'll - VENTING will ensue. As will drinking ... it's GOT to be beer o'clock SOMEWHERE!

A Little Place of My Own

Ok, so it may look as though I've been bloggin here for awhile. Looks can be deceiving. Or well, I can be, with the help of "post options".

Really, I started this little thing here maybe a week ago. I decided that I needed a place away from my other blog that was less, conspicuous. A place a little more anonymous or at least less findable.

Which is not to say that I have super highly contrivercial material or anything. I just don't neccesssarily want ALL of my business readily available to anyone googeling my name.

So for anyone who wants to know what this is all about, let me fill you in a bit, on me.

• I'm a stay-at-home-mom to 5 kids ranging in ages from 3 - 33.
• I'm happily married to the best man I've ever known
• I like lists :-D
• I have a sarcastic, sometimes crass and offensive, sense of humor
• I think I'm funny - which is not to say that YOU will think so, but here's hopin ;-)
• I got married at 18, had a baby at 19, another at 24, divorced at 25, baby 3 and remarried at 27 - now I'm old ... I mean 30
• I ADORE my kids - but they drive me to the brink of insanity on AT LEAST a daily basis
• My husband is an incredible, wonderful, loving man - and he drives me crazy every day too
• I may go on and on about how romantical he and I can be, but it's my blog so I can, just look away ;-)
• I think baby wipes can clean anything and everything
• If you tell my husband I said that, I will deny everything
• I am a COMPLETE LOST FANatic!
• I refer to it as LOOOOOOST
• My husband thinks it's weird that I want to visit Hawaii before 2010 so I can see the LOOOOOOST set :D
• Sometimes I will post to laugh, to feel normal ... enjoy
• Sometimes I will post to vent, to clear my head ... enjoy!
• I have OCD tendencies
• I enjoy a good cocktail (or three ;-) and I don't appoligize for it
• I enjoy a good beer too ;-)
• I love scrapbooking!
• I take entirely too many pictures and force my family to pose and pretend it's not the 10 hundredth time I said "SMILE RIGHT DAMN IT!"
• Thomas the Tank Engine freaks me out, something about the faces, just WEIRD
• I have issues with cooking chicken. Stems from a childhood trama involving an undercooked TV dinner ... you don't wanna know
• I have weight issues
• I think about almost everything I say before it comes out of my mouth
• I LUV TXTING
• I H8 wn ppl rite in 'textese' outsd o txt msgs
• I love being my husbands girlfriend ;-)
• I'm a HUGE procrastinator
• Still reading?!
• I have a crazy mother in law - she has 32 cats, 2 dogs, a houseboy, chickens, fish, lives in the middle of town, and thinks this is all perfectly normal
• I would live at Disneyland if I could. I love being there and everytime feels like the first time
• Yes I would feel that way if I went there more than once a year because I DID and I DID so MLEEEEH :-P
• I worry every day that I'm fuckin up my kids SOMEhow
• I have a bit of a sailor's mouth :D and NO I DONT cuss in front of my kids
• I watch the Bachelor, always pick the wrong person, and still say "awwwww I think these two are gonna make it!" right up until they break up
• I love the beach and will drive 2-3 hours every weekend if I could, to get there
• Did I mention I like lists? LOL
• Cold coffee can NOT just be reheated

Ok, seems like a good place to censor myself ... I mean ... put you out of your misery ;-)

I went through my old site and included a few of my fav posts from there. So if you're interested just click here and I hope you enjoy!

Ahhhh To Be in Diapers Again

Well, I guess I didn't knock on wood enough ... a new sickness has invaded my house. This weekend Boss started coughing more than she had been, then there was talk of a sore throat and a stuff hurty nose. Then yesterday Boy came home and we were told he was thought to have Bronchaitis. Now Monster is talking with a bit of a stuffed up sound. So far {KNOCKING ON WOOD} Sweetness seems ok.

But to combat the spread of the various sicknesses ON A HOLIDAY WHEN THEY ARE AAAAAAALL HOME, I have made the executive decision to sequester them all.

Tell me how this sounds like a death sentence ... because that's how they all look at me ... as if the firing squad has just been called.

I have sent Boss and Boy to their respective rooms - with their own TVs/toys a plenty/games/all manner of fun older kid stuff - and still they act like I've punished them. They usually aren't allowed to watch movies in their rooms and I'm letting them! I gave them JUICE in their room! I NEVER do that! And still it's torture for them. They don't even have to put up with the constant interuptions from Sweetness and Monster!

I have those two either in their room or watching TV in the living room. Coloring, playing, coloring, eating and coloring some more - whatever it takes to keep them out of the other two's rooms and confine their germs to each other.

Funny how a child's nightmare could be an adults heaven.

I want to be TOLD to stay in my room. I want someone to bring me JUICE! I want to watch TV without having to share! I want to play with my toys without someone taking them away from me! I WANNA COLOR! I want someone to change my diaper and be at my beck and call.

Okay, maybe not so much that last one ... although ... the thought of not getting out of bed for hours even to go potty ain't SO bad if you think about it.

Well, ok yeah it kinda is, maybe I'm just REALLY tired right now and the thought of BED + HOURS = HEAVEN!

In fact, I hate to say it, even to THINK it, but it might be hitting me too.

I was FINE this morning. Quite ambitious and productive even! Especially for having so damn many kids here during the day. But now as I sit here with the sickness surrounding me, my head is starting to hurt, I notice a slight sore through, and a burning nose. And as I attempt to lift my cup of tea I thought 'Wow, this is heavy, I need a straw' - then thought 'K, it's half empty and my arm is shaking to lift it, perhaps this is a bad sign'.

It wouldn't be SO bad, if there weren't four more loads of laundry to do, four sandwhiches to make, naps to enforce, tax forms to find, calls to make, and bills to pay.

What really scares me, is that not only might the sickness be back and worse and attacking me, but that the 'man cold' isn't far behind. THAT is scarier than four kids home sick from school.

So as I batten down the hatches for the invasion, and knock on everything wood in this house, wish me luck, cross your fingers, and send me happy 'man-cold' free thoughts!

You Might Say My Bedside Manor is ... Lacking

It hit about a week ago. It got the baby first. Then the rest starting falling like flies. By Wednesday this plague upon my house had them all coughing and crouping, sneezing and dripping, whining and BITCHING. And yet, it has not hit me...

I have an iron lung appearently. And an immunity of super human proportions. Perhaps because I have drank my weight in cranberry/pomegranate green tea with honey over the last three days.

To be surrounded by the amount of CRAP that I am, and to hold out with only a slightly sore throat in the morning, I must be blessed ... OH and have the patiences of a SAINT.

I have 5 children ranging in ages from 2 - 32. It seems the oldest and the youngest are giving me the most problems. Monster has been HELL.ON.WHEELS since about Monday - throwing fits, throwing toys, and throwing her little weight around like she OWNS the place. Which is only different this week by the amount of GOO that is coming out of several of her orafices.

The MAN however ... is driving me out of my ever-loving mind. He, unfortunately, has something the rest of us don't.

He has the "Man-Cold". Which differs from the regular cold in that it is IMMENSLEY worse, requires constant attention, and is far more horrible than ANYTHING anyone else is going through at any given time. He came home the DAY I mentioned that the kids weren't feeling well and decided he was getting sick too.

Now I don't mean to say that I think ALL sickness is in your head, but I will say, that for the two of us, it seems to be. I decide that I am not getting sick. I can't. All you mothers know what I'm talkin about.

Can I get an AAAAAMEN?!

But HIM. He comes home and says 'MY LUNGS ... It's ATTACKING MY LUNGS" - which because of his fake stuffynose sounded like "BUY LUGZ" - I should have bought the Lugz. Considered it a reward for all the CRAP I would have to wade through over the next week. I attempted to banish him to the bedroom and get him out of my hair, and off my computer, but we can't find the remote so he has planted himself on my couch ... ahhhhh LOVE.

I REALLY AM TRYING FOLKS. I love him, and them, all very very much. But there is only so much snot wiping, med administering, cough hearing, whine ignoring, need answering that one woman can take.

Pray y'all. Not for me. For them. If they don't get over this soon, I will go insane and I will take them with me.